Friday 1st December 2017
Kingston ACU
Kingston Hospital, London
Today has been one of the toughest days I've had to get through since we said goodbye to my darling Dad exactly two years ago.
Alongside the sadness that comes with every anniversary, I was feeling calm but not too expectant as we once again got in the car to go to the hospital for another follicle monitoring scan. The initial bloating I had experienced 5-6 days ago had now pretty much subsided and I had expressed my concerns to Jon about the lack of discomfort a couple of days previously. Surely I should feel like my ovaries were ready to explode after seven days of stimulation injections? Luckily for Jon, I've had no manic outbursts, although part of me wished I had felt in the mood to throw a few pans around - at least I'd have some indication that the hormones were working.
I've always had a realistic outlook on life and today was no different, we can't change the situation and it's completely out of our hands. The inner control freak in me tried to remember this as I was laying on the bed with an ultrasound probe up my noo noo. I could feel my hopes slowly depleting the longer I laid there, the nurse was certainly having a good look around, I was starting to wonder if she could find anything at all. Eventually she said she was going to get the doctor to get a second opinion, as was always the case with a low follicle count. There, she had said it.
It seemed like an eternity before they both returned, but hardly any time for the doctor to confirm there was only one possible plan going forward. There was one lonely follicle which was considered 'ready' in my right ovary, the rest (maybe two or three) were non-runners, too small and extremely unlikely to grow to maturity, even if I kept up with the stim injections. I was devastated.
In the time it took me to re-robe reality had sunk in and I was fighting back tears. I was trying to keep it together so I could remember everything the nurse was telling me, Jon held my hand as he could see I was getting increasingly distressed and by the time we had sat down, I was inconsolable. The nurse was asking me questions but eventually offered to just talk so I could compose myself. We were told the plan was to bring egg collection forward to Monday, if we leave it any longer the one ripe follicle could become over-mature and we could lose it.
Back the waiting room I became more aware of all the couples who were a similar age to us, I was wondering if they'd had more promising news than we'd just been dealt. Regardless of their situations, everyone was there for the same reason, clutching their bags of medication and looking decidedly anxious. Thankfully, after a short wait we were called back in to see the doctor to go through the protocol for the weekend. The plan is to carry on today as we have been; three Suprecur nasal sprays and two Menopur injections. Tomorrow night, the stim injections will be replaced by a trigger injection (hCG) which has to be administered exactly 36 hours before egg collection. This induces the final maturation of the egg inside the follicle, if indeed there is one. I'm even starting to have doubts about that.
As we were leaving the hospital, we passed a lady pushing twins in a buggy, it was almost too much to bear. By the time we got to the car I was sobbing and I don't think anyone could've said anything to make me feel any better at that point. We drove to a car park in Richmond Park so we could have a chat (and another good cry). I wanted to go home and curl up in a ball on the sofa but I came to the conclusion that going into work and keeping busy would be the best option. I'm glad I made the call to be around people and not restrict myself to my own thoughts today, I'm definitely feeling a smidge more positive tonight.
So this is the hand we've been dealt. I'm completely heartbroken there will be no frozen embryos to have another shot if this one fails. This is it.
Aside from myself and Jon, the other person I'm really feeling for today is my Mum. Not only is she mourning her husband, I've just had to tell her our dreadful news. It has crossed my mind that we might not ever be able to make her a Nanna. For that, I feel awful.
Showing posts with label Suprecur. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Suprecur. Show all posts
Friday, 1 December 2017
Sunday, 19 November 2017
Natural Products, Nasal Spray & Needles
The last few weeks have flown and I'm already roughly halfway through my five week protocol (originally six weeks but my stupid period had other ideas). I've been through quite a time of it in the three weeks since my last post, some of it completely unrelated to endometriosis or IVF.
I started taking the contraceptive pill in preparation for treatment, which allows the fertility consultant to have complete control over timings of my cycle. It is also said to help the ovaries respond better to the stimulation medication and to decrease the chances of cysts forming which could delay proceedings. It's common for ladies with endometriosis to have ovarian cysts, so while taking the pill seems counter-intuitive, I can kind of see the logic.
During the two weeks I was on the pill, I took the decision to inform my bosses about my IVF cycle. Initially, I thought I might try and go through the treatment without having to tell anyone at work, but after getting some positive experiences from ladies on a facebook group, I decided to bite the bullet. I have two bosses, one of each sex, so naturally I resolved to approach my manager, who is female. I'm not even sure why I was worried, I've been at the company for 11 years and I'm fortunate that Louise and I have a good relationship. I couldn't have asked for her to be more understanding and supportive and as soon as I'd blurted everything out to her, I felt the weight lift off my shoulders. I can't express what a relief it is to have her backing and she promised she would do everything to help make the next few weeks as painless as she could with regards to time off for appointments. She also said she would talk to our Head of Dept and I knew he would be as equally empathetic.
A couple of weeks ago I had an appointment at the ACU for my trial embryo transfer. Part of me was glad to be having this dummy run, obviously if there were complications I'd rather they were flagged now, but what if it was excruciatingly painful? I'd just be worrying and dreading the real thing the whole way through my treatment. As we all know and get told on a regular basis, stress is not good for the process of baby making. Relax and it'll happen! *rolls eyes*
Again, I had to wait an hour for my appointment at Kingston ACU. I appreciate it's an NHS clinic and they're busy but when you have to go into work afterwards and give an approximate time when you might be there, this is extremely frustrating. Especially as my bosses have been so understanding, I didn't want it to feel like I was already exploiting their kindness. While I was in the waiting room I observed a guy looking very uneasy as he walked out holding a metal box containing his partner's eggs, on his way to King's to (hopefully) add his part to the science. I have to admit, this did make me smile.
The procedure itself was like a more painful smear test, as opposed to the nightmare hysteroscopy I had gotten myself worked up about. Thankfully it was over relatively quickly and without complication so we're good to go.
One way I like to unwind and destress is by having a glass of wine (or three). Following on from my abstention of caffeine, I decided to set a date to forgo my beloved Sauv Blanc before I started my down-regulation drugs. I ringed the 8th November in my diary to start my dry couple of months (hopefully longer). We had tickets to see both Kevin Morby at the Electric Ballroom and Father John Misty at Hammersmith Apollo the week before so we earmarked the latter as our last hurrah! Jon has decided to join me in this period of detox, after all, the health of his swimmers is also vital and we're certainly in this as a partnership. We might as well throw everything at this cycle as we only have one shot at this.
I have also been reading the book 'It Starts with the Egg', which I'm sure every IVF couple must have on their bookshelves. Whilst I think it is unrealistic to cut out everything Rebecca Fett mentions, I've been trying to use more natural products in my already pretty basic beauty regime. I found the Faith In Nature range to be reasonably priced compared to a lot of other organic products. I also wanted a fragrance free shampoo, conditioner and body wash ready for egg collection which they also produce.
Last week, I started sniffing Suprecur (buserelin) nasal spray three times a day. I realise this sounds like I have a solvent abuse problem, but it is in fact the next rung on our IVF ladder, the down-regulation stage. It works by acting on the pituitary gland to stop the production of hormones that control the release of eggs from your ovaries. Buserelin is a GnRH agonist drug (alongside Zoladex, Lupron and Prostap to name a few) and because it suppresses oestrogen production, it is sometimes used to treat endometriosis. I was actually looking forward to this stage, to hopefully give my body a break from the pain and bloating if nothing else.
I have read that lot of women suffer with menopausal side-effects while taking buserelin. Apart from the vile aftertaste it leaves in the back of your throat, I haven't noticed too many grievances so far. I'm only a week in so I guess the night sweats won't be kicking in quite yet. I have, however, been experiencing extremely vivid dreams, every goddamn night. And that my friends is an understatement!
I've had issues with my wisdom teeth for the last twenty years. Four days ago I had my second operculectomy to try and solve the problem of constant infections and pericoronitis. I wasn't particularly worried as I've had the procedure before but this time was a whole new ball game! I was stuck in the chair for a whole hour while the dentist completely butchered my mouth. By the time I'd driven into work, the anaesthetic had worn off and the concoction of ibuprofen and paracetamol weren't touching the pain, I sat there drooling and wincing in agony, desperate to get home for a sympathetic hug.
On a positive note, I've booked my first acupuncture session next week with a lady called Victoria Busk in Kingston. Hopefully this will counterbalance the trauma of this week and normality will soon be restored.
I started taking the contraceptive pill in preparation for treatment, which allows the fertility consultant to have complete control over timings of my cycle. It is also said to help the ovaries respond better to the stimulation medication and to decrease the chances of cysts forming which could delay proceedings. It's common for ladies with endometriosis to have ovarian cysts, so while taking the pill seems counter-intuitive, I can kind of see the logic.
During the two weeks I was on the pill, I took the decision to inform my bosses about my IVF cycle. Initially, I thought I might try and go through the treatment without having to tell anyone at work, but after getting some positive experiences from ladies on a facebook group, I decided to bite the bullet. I have two bosses, one of each sex, so naturally I resolved to approach my manager, who is female. I'm not even sure why I was worried, I've been at the company for 11 years and I'm fortunate that Louise and I have a good relationship. I couldn't have asked for her to be more understanding and supportive and as soon as I'd blurted everything out to her, I felt the weight lift off my shoulders. I can't express what a relief it is to have her backing and she promised she would do everything to help make the next few weeks as painless as she could with regards to time off for appointments. She also said she would talk to our Head of Dept and I knew he would be as equally empathetic.
A couple of weeks ago I had an appointment at the ACU for my trial embryo transfer. Part of me was glad to be having this dummy run, obviously if there were complications I'd rather they were flagged now, but what if it was excruciatingly painful? I'd just be worrying and dreading the real thing the whole way through my treatment. As we all know and get told on a regular basis, stress is not good for the process of baby making. Relax and it'll happen! *rolls eyes*
Again, I had to wait an hour for my appointment at Kingston ACU. I appreciate it's an NHS clinic and they're busy but when you have to go into work afterwards and give an approximate time when you might be there, this is extremely frustrating. Especially as my bosses have been so understanding, I didn't want it to feel like I was already exploiting their kindness. While I was in the waiting room I observed a guy looking very uneasy as he walked out holding a metal box containing his partner's eggs, on his way to King's to (hopefully) add his part to the science. I have to admit, this did make me smile.
The procedure itself was like a more painful smear test, as opposed to the nightmare hysteroscopy I had gotten myself worked up about. Thankfully it was over relatively quickly and without complication so we're good to go.
One way I like to unwind and destress is by having a glass of wine (or three). Following on from my abstention of caffeine, I decided to set a date to forgo my beloved Sauv Blanc before I started my down-regulation drugs. I ringed the 8th November in my diary to start my dry couple of months (hopefully longer). We had tickets to see both Kevin Morby at the Electric Ballroom and Father John Misty at Hammersmith Apollo the week before so we earmarked the latter as our last hurrah! Jon has decided to join me in this period of detox, after all, the health of his swimmers is also vital and we're certainly in this as a partnership. We might as well throw everything at this cycle as we only have one shot at this.
I have also been reading the book 'It Starts with the Egg', which I'm sure every IVF couple must have on their bookshelves. Whilst I think it is unrealistic to cut out everything Rebecca Fett mentions, I've been trying to use more natural products in my already pretty basic beauty regime. I found the Faith In Nature range to be reasonably priced compared to a lot of other organic products. I also wanted a fragrance free shampoo, conditioner and body wash ready for egg collection which they also produce.
Last week, I started sniffing Suprecur (buserelin) nasal spray three times a day. I realise this sounds like I have a solvent abuse problem, but it is in fact the next rung on our IVF ladder, the down-regulation stage. It works by acting on the pituitary gland to stop the production of hormones that control the release of eggs from your ovaries. Buserelin is a GnRH agonist drug (alongside Zoladex, Lupron and Prostap to name a few) and because it suppresses oestrogen production, it is sometimes used to treat endometriosis. I was actually looking forward to this stage, to hopefully give my body a break from the pain and bloating if nothing else.
I have read that lot of women suffer with menopausal side-effects while taking buserelin. Apart from the vile aftertaste it leaves in the back of your throat, I haven't noticed too many grievances so far. I'm only a week in so I guess the night sweats won't be kicking in quite yet. I have, however, been experiencing extremely vivid dreams, every goddamn night. And that my friends is an understatement!
I've had issues with my wisdom teeth for the last twenty years. Four days ago I had my second operculectomy to try and solve the problem of constant infections and pericoronitis. I wasn't particularly worried as I've had the procedure before but this time was a whole new ball game! I was stuck in the chair for a whole hour while the dentist completely butchered my mouth. By the time I'd driven into work, the anaesthetic had worn off and the concoction of ibuprofen and paracetamol weren't touching the pain, I sat there drooling and wincing in agony, desperate to get home for a sympathetic hug.
The dentist has made such a mess of things, I inevitably got an infection and had to go back to the hospital the very next day. I've been on antibiotics and a liquid diet for the last few days, which has meant I've lost quite a lot of weight. The whole ordeal has stressed me out so much, I really wish I had waited until after my IVF cycle to go through with it. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!
On a positive note, I've booked my first acupuncture session next week with a lady called Victoria Busk in Kingston. Hopefully this will counterbalance the trauma of this week and normality will soon be restored.
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