Carefree in Croatia

I'm at my most content when I'm travelling and this trip couldn't have come at a better time. It was bliss to leave all the cycle tracking, temperature taking, peeing on ovulation sticks firmly back at home and have a proper break from everything fertility related.

It was the first family holiday I've been on since I was a teenager almost twenty years ago so I was especially eager for this trip to come around. My mother had never been on a plane (my father was scared of flying and they used to travel everywhere by boat or train) so I was also excited to see her reaction to the maiden flight. I was also looking forward to spending some quality time with my brother, even though we see a lot of him as he currently lives with us, we rarely go away together.

The flight from Gatwick to Split was typically one of the most turbulent I've experienced, I was trying to appear calm (whilst gripping the life out of the armrests) as I was sitting next to Mum and didn't want to alarm her. She didn't seem the least bit bothered of said disruptions and was far too busy taking photos out of the window the whole way there!

Croatia was stunning. After spending two days in Split, we hired a car and drove north to Plitvička Jezera as we wanted to visit the famous Plitvice Lakes National Park. The chain of terraced lakes and waterfalls was one of the most picture-postcard perfect places I have ever had the pleasure of seeing. Even though it was heaving with tourists, it felt peaceful walking along the boardwalks next to the crystal-clear water and I was happy to take in the beautiful scenery whilst contemplating our upcoming journey.

Two days later we drove back to Split and boarded a boat for Hvar island, I'd found an AirBnB apartment in a sleepy little town called Jelsa a few weeks previously. It turned out to be quite basic (I might have miscalculated the bedrooms and Jason had to sleep on sofa cushions in a tiny room adjoining Mum's) but it had a pool and after a few days travelling we all needed a bit of chill time. We had the terrace and pool to ourselves all day and I realised it was the first time in months that I felt completely at ease (did I mention I love the sunshine?) I suddenly regretted not booking more time in Jelsa as the next few months, I'm assuming, will be far from the calm we experienced on Hvar island.

We arrived home after a few more days seeing new beautiful places - we met with Jon's parents on another Adriatic island (Mljet) and spent time in lovely Trogir.

We are finally ready for our next journey. Bring it on.

Sunny Days

We've had a really busy summer so far this year, it's been lovely to immerse ourselves into doing things we enjoy doing, rather than thinking about the worries of the last few months and the inevitable stress that will come later in the year when we start our IVF journey.

It has been unseasonably warm for weeks, with no sign of the Great British Summer that we all know and (not) love. Even when I have bad pain days, when the sun shines, so does my mood - everyone knows I'm a sun-worshipper! I've had a few horror days over the last couple of months, but thankfully these have been far outweighed by the good ones and I believe this is down to good old vitamin D.

I've enjoyed cocktails at the top of The Shard, dinners with friends, a day at the golf, a BBQs at home, a hen weekend in Brighton, our annual caravan weekend in Dorset, my very first DRY Glastonbury Festival (weather, not alcohol), a weekend at Centre Parcs with the girls, a day at Wimbledon (not working for once), a couple of concerts (Mac DeMarco & Guns N' Roses) and we met our friend's brand new beautiful twin girls. That's quite a lot in two months but I wouldn't change anything, it's almost as if we've enjoyed ourselves to the absolute maximum before we start our travels on the unknown road ahead of us.

One of my best friends, Clare (who I've known nearly forever), also told me she was expecting her third child. Although I'm completely over the moon for her and her partner Simon, I can't help but feel a huge pang of sadness for ourselves. A few of my friend's pregnancy announcements have hit me hard over the last few years, especially those who are having their first as it means one less friend in my Non-Mum network, but this one was particularly tough. We often said that maybe we would be pregnant at the same time, she was thinking about her third child and she knew we were trying too. Now another bump buddy boat has sailed. So many of my friends have now completed their families and I feel if we ever did have our miracle baby, I'd have no-one to enjoy my pregnancy with.

Last weekend I enjoyed, for the most part, a tranquil break with the girls at Center Parcs. Most of my oldest friends live in Norfolk where I grew up, but Clare and I live in different parts of the UK, so it's rare that we all get together, especially with no husbands and children! Of course this was the weekend that my dearly beloved Mrs Menses decided to show up and pretty much destroy any hope of a relaxing weekend. Luckily, I managed to squeeze in an afternoon at the spa before she barged her way into my plans. The following day was one of the worst pain days I've had for a long time. I spent the majority of the day curled up in my PJs on the sofa, necking NSAIDs like they'd gone out of fashion. I managed to join the girls in the pool later in the afternoon, albeit with what felt like a watermelon under my swimwear, but at least I managed to leave the chalet for a couple of hours.

I've found myself at times, especially after a bad flare up, thinking about further surgery to completely free myself from the pain that comes with having severe endometriosis. I can't say I've noticed an improvement in my symptoms since my laparoscopy earlier this year, so apart from having the abnormality in my uterus removed, I'm wondering what good it has actually done. Mr Kalu has said this is definitely something I should consider after I've finished with my fertility journey, but because surgery can create adhesions which would potentially affect my fertility further, he has advised against anything drastic until then.

I've been reading a bit online about this and I've discovered because I have Stage 4 endometriosis, I am entitled to be referred for full excision surgery at an accredited BSGE centre. There is a list of centres on the website and I've already started looking at my options for the future.

In the meantime I'm stuck in limbo.